Stupid & Ignorant Christian Quotes

Some quotes from Christians that I found rather amusing.  These are mostly from religious forums and creationist websites.

"If God doesn't exist, how is it possible that 1 metre is exactly 100 centimetres and that water boils at exactly 100 degrees Celcius?"
An atheist retorted: "Indeed and how is one mile 1760 yards and one yard is 3 feet and one foot is 12 inches...maybe God was high that day?"

"God loves diversity....God made racists...God wants some pure whites, some pure blacks, some pure forms of each race."
The author of this quote insisted that God wanted diversity, and that people would all become the same if 'whites' and 'blacks' interbred.   'Race' is an old word for 'species' and doesn't apply to contemporary humans, as we are all the same species biologically, regardless of skin colour.  'Race' is a social construct based on perceived cultural and physical differences.

"It is true that we all descended from Adam and Eve, but the 'fact' that Eve was black is a myth. No one knows about her color but she was made from Adam's rib and all ribs are white."  
So does that mean Adam was brown because made from mud?

"My wife was unable to bear children...After I gave my life to the Lord we found out she was pregnant...4 months later my son was born...God could have installed a 5 month fetus into her womb with no problem at all."
hmmmm - paternity test maybe?  Or just basic sex education needed?

"Many are infertile simply because of the sin that is in their lives.  Women of the Old Testament sought God to open their wombs.  In this day and time, no one wants to seek God for such things.  They put their trust in doctors and IVF."
Maybe they get better results with doctors and IVF than with prayer to open wombs that apparently God slams shut.

"The deluded, ignorant followers of Darwin believe that man is actually a type of animal."
Humans are animals - they are mammals like dogs, cats and dolphins are mammals.  Many believers are repulsed at the thought that they are an animal.  For most of history, Christians have treated animals as objects to be dominated.

"Humans are not apes."
Actually, humans are classified as apes.  Christians were upset years ago when a Linnaeus, a devout Christian Creationist grouped humans with other apes when he devised taxonomy classifications (before Darwin's time).  Modern genetics proves that we are most closely related to other apes.  Genetics also shows how all plants, animals, micro-organisms and animals are related. Humans are in the family Hominidae (great apes) along with Orangutans, Gorillas and Chimpanzees.


"Has anybody seen sexual contact of Male+Male or Female+Female among animals?  NEVER.  It is not natural."
Obviously this person has their head in the sand and is not aware that over 1000 species have been observed to engage in homosexual and bisexual behaviour, including dolphins, penguins and bonobos.

Also,  animals hump animals different to their 'kind' (the word creationists use for related groups of animals so they don't have to account for all species of animals on Noah's Ark).
Humans have been sexually assaulted by other animals too, including by dolphins, turtles and donkeys.

"During the Cambrian Explosion virtually every phyla known to man just suddenly appeared."
If 10+ millions years is the same as 'suddenly', I'd hate to think how long an hour is.

"God is indeed a spirit and not a person...because I am the person, that makes it personal."
Is drinking whisky a personal relationship with spirits?

"The reason men have nipples is because it is aesthetically pleasing.  Part of God's design was that each gender should be pleasing to look at."
Guess they don't realise that all fetuses start off developing same way until hormones kick in to stop further nipple developmental in males.  Genitalia starts of intersex too.
Still, creationists intersex and extra nipples are defects caused by sin.

"Put a brain on the table...and ask it to say something...how can the brain produce intelligence, personality, and speech?...the voice box do not create words nor form ideas voice and sound is spiritual."
Not sure if this person is high or lacks intelligence.

"Indoctrination is only erased by praying combined with study.  Once the truth is revealed the indoctrination becomes a thing despised and...brings us closer to the real God."
How to become indoctrinated.

"I hear Satan whispering...I hear Satan whisperers a whole lot on these forums..."
I see crazy-talk.

"If we did evolve from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?"
That's kind of like asking "if Americans came from Europe, why are there still Europeans?"

"Some scientists believe an asteroid hit the Earth millions of years ago and caused the ice age.  According to what Jesus said, it was Satan that hit the earth, not an asteroid."
Can you see why this chap likes preaching in church and would make a lousy scientist?

"Medicine is a very vivid proof of the lie of evolution....Medicine can do absolutely NOTHING to add one single day to anybodies [sic] life."
Not sure what they're trying to say here, but it sounded rather silly.  Plus I'm sure many would agree that medicine added to their lives.  After all, most Christians have no problem going to the doctor, using medicines, having surgery and IVF.

"Humans have a sense that no other animals have.  This was instilled in man and was not due to evolution.  Have you ever had the feeling you were being watched?"
Don't forget God watches you having sex and taking a crap.


"If apes gave birth to the first humans, don't you think that at some point in the history of man it would be documented that a human gave birth to an ape?"
Is there any hope that creationists will ever get the basics of what evolution is, instead of spreading stupid lies?
As far as 'throwbacks' to early ancestors is concerned, humans have been born with excessive hair (hypertrichosis) and tails.

Hypertrichosis has been observed in males and females

"So when evolution suggests blacks are closer to monkeys than whites, what's that?"
Evolution says no such thing - lose the indoctrination and get an education.  Grant vandersee also pondered which 'lame book' mentioned unicorns.

"As far as I know evolution claims the human race is ever evolving.  How do you explain that many peoples found in the 19th and 20th century had not evolved at all in 2000 years or more, while other peoples had constantly 'evolved.'"
This Christian is an extreme right-wing white-supremacist American that keeps harping on that white Americans are better than dark-skinned people.  To my amazement, a lot of people agree with his views.  He confuses biological evolution (no current humans are more evolved than others as all one species) with extent of civilisation in societies.

"...I saw an atheist post....that sumerians predated Adam...some folks will believe ANYTHING they read in a science journal or even on a 'scientific website' but they won't believe the Bible which has been proven historically accurate and brilliant...the written word of GOD Almighty.  The ones that buy into this rubbish, such as atheists and evolutionists have no proof of these scientific studies... because a 'scientist' cannot see the real truth...Because evolutionists are only concerned with evolution...their sole purpose is to discredit God...Anyone with a brain knows that Adam and Eve predates humanity."


Anyone that actually uses their brain should know that archaeology is the science that predates many civilisations before the bible, not evolution.  If the Jews came out of Egypt, the Egyptians predate the time the Hebrews invented Adam and Eve.

Abraham was said to be the first Hebrew, around 1850BCE.  The Old Testament was written in Hebrew after the Hebrew language developed.  Several civilizations existed for thousands of years before this, with their own flood stories etc.

Several civilizations found older than when bible written

"...the Ark described in the Bible was a huge vessel.  Not until the late 1880s was a ship built that exceeded the capacity of Noah's Ark."
Guess having the right tools would help.  So would using steel instead of wood.

"...Noah didn't have to search or travel to far away places to bring all the animals on board.  The world map was completely different before the flood...there may have only been one continent...the animals simply arrived at the Ark as if called by a 'homing instinct'...and marched up the ramp, all by themselves."
The first world map wasn't even constructed when the flood was supposed to have taken place.  Were the animals divinely constipated as well, so Noah didn't have to shovel crap all day and night for nearly a year?

"Widespread legends of encounters with dragons give another indication that at least some dinosaurs survived the flood.  The only way this could happen is if they were on the Ark."
Using dragon mythology to 'prove' bible mythology.

Many creationists claim dinosaurs lived alongside people

"From Darwin on down, evolutionists have preached that the Negro race was lower on the evolutionary scale, much closer to the apes than the Caucasian."
Nope.  Another lie spread by anti-evolutionists, who accuse Darwin of being racist, meanwhile deflecting the racism in the church for centuries (eg Martin Luther).


"At Babel, God did not separate the nations according to language.  He used language to separate them according to paternal ancestory!  This has monumental significance and is the key to understanding human genetic history.  Paternal sorting would lead to specific Y chomosome lineages in different geographical locations."
This creationist goes further than just claiming that the Tower of Babel in the Bible is where people got different languages.  They twisted human genetic migration studies and linguistic studies to come up with Babel babble pseudoscience nonsense.  They claimed ancient civilisations were dated wrong and that the flood came before pyramids were built. To the creationist, everyone is wrong that contradicts with the bible.

A - How linguists say language evolved.  B - creationists insist  on  Babel babble.